I feel like I’ve actually decluttered as much as I can at this point in my life but I’m getting this urge to be like Fumio Sasaki so much (so so much) so I feel like I must declutter some more. I just want most of my stuff gone but I feel that even though I want to let go so much, I don’t have as much courage to do so. Unfortunately, everytime I open my extra large suitcase and second wardrobe where I keep all my clothes which I don’t wear much or at all, I still get this fear to let go of the other items I haven’t worn in more than a year. The thing is, a lot of the items in there are clothes which are premium- high quality and it’s really hard just to donate them to charity. I also had a bad experience with a charity I donated to last year (let’s save that story for another time) and so, I feel like I can’t trust charity organisations and how they handle donations at the moment. I’m hoping that this feeling of distrust is only a temporary one because I’ve always loved donating to charities and it would be sad if the actions of one organisation damaged my view of the others permanently.
The other day, as I prepared to go to a friend of mine’s dinner party, I had a hard time choosing what to wear. It rained and it was quite chilly so my plan to wear a dress clearly wasn’t going to work out. I put on my leather look leggings and a black frilly top. That’s the thing you see, I own a lot of black clothes (classic and perfect for British weather) and so when I’m stuck… I always go for the classic black items. I look in my red suitcase and I realise that all my summer clothes have no use right now. There are a few (around 10-12) dresses and playsuits in there which I love but I know that I’m probably never going to wear them again next summer. It’s hard to let go of them though because they’re in perfect condition and good quality so I just kind of sit there, staring at them for ages as if that’s going to make a difference.
As I thought about it more, as good as they are… they are actually still junk because I feel that they won’t really be worn again and they’re just taking valuable space in my apartment.
Then I paused and thought about it some more and I started to feel like perhaps I would wear them again in the future…Oh yes, that ‘maybe someday’ feeling kicked in and you know how that makes things even more complicated.
So there I was, spending an hour looking at my clothes struggling to get rid of what I now call ‘The Good Junk’.
And I just felt so disappointed and I started to wonder why I was feeling this way. I realised that I had these feelings about my good junk.
- I might use these someday.
- I might miss these someday.
- I might regret giving these up.
- I might make money if I sold these items instead.
Just to give you an idea about my good junk:
- They’re still in really great (perfect) condition.
- They cost me a lot of money.
- I would still end up re-purchasing them if I see them in a charity shop.
- I still love them.
- They still fit my style.
- They look really good.
- As in, they’re amazingly good.
- They’re good junk worth keeping…
So yes, I admit that I’m really finding it hard to be Fumio Sasaki right now. The way the store Muji is styled and maybe a little bit of The White Company…that’s honestly the kind of aesthetic I want to aim for but currently, I’m on my way there and I still have quite a bit to go.
Sometimes I blame myself and think, I shouldn’t have had so much stuff in the first place!
I stopped myself from stressing the other day over it and realised that I’ve already spent so much time and wasted so much energy thinking about how to get rid of my good junk. I actually started to feel like I’m just exerting so much energy and wasting all my efforts in coming back to those items every week and re-thinking things over and over again.
I feel like every time I come home, I see that big red suitcase knowing that there are items in there that may be of better use to somebody. But I’m really not going to deny these feelings because I want to keep it real on this blog.
I’m really not ready yet to let go of my good junk. It’s so hard and as much as I already know that keeping the good junk is actually bad for me, a voice in my head still says that I may need these items one day.
I think I’m going to see how I feel the next few days and let you know how it goes but honestly, for the next few days and weeks, I’m going to start prepping myself in letting these items go and we’ll see what I learn throughout the process.