When we fall in love, we see everything as rosy and wonderful. When love is in our hearts, we’re at our happiest because love after all really is the most powerful thing in the world. Love always triumphs over hate. Love heals the soul and provides comfort even to the most fearful. In life, we can’t help but have this belief that anything precious such as love is rare and priceless so some people hold on relationships no matter how painful because they think they won’t find love ever again. Some people think they only have one shot at love and one soulmate. This belief is the reason why some people hold on to unhealthy relationships no matter how much pain they bring. It is important to note that although it is normal for people to encounter relationship issues, you must find a balance and be aware of when the problems are too much and need more attention. Love doesn’t have to be painful all the time. Love doesn’t have to hurt to turn out right.
If you really think about the last few sentences I wrote above, the desperation we feel when holding on to a love makes us forget about the self-love we have for ourselves. When we don’t love ourselves, we forget about the things that make us happy…we forget about the things that fulfill us and we sacrifice our own well being for the well being of others. I think that it’s heartbreaking when relationships fall apart but destroying yourself in the process is even more tragic.
Below, I will share with you my tips on how to mend your broken heart and some ways to help you fall in love with yourself again…
Sing yourself a love song (or any song)
Music saved my life and I truly mean that. When I was little, I always turned to singing and music to feed my soul. Yes, I really was a deep thinking child. Music is universal; it doesn’t matter if the song is written in a different language because any melody can speak to the hearts of people all over the world. It doesn’t matter if you want to listen to songs about broken hearts or pure rock and roll. Listen to whatever fits your mood. You can even listen to heavy metal music if you want to release some anger and rage. Music can heal and it has been proven to work. Music therapy has been proven to relieve muscle tension, cure depression, decrease anxiety, promote motivation and is a great tool to safely release emotions. Whatever your choice is, putting on some music whenever you get home from work especially when you feel all alone is one of the best things you can do.
There is nothing worse than the first few days or weeks of separation because that’s when you notice the emptiness the most. There’s something so upsetting about the silence that surrounds a broken home. Don’t suffer in silence, sing your heart out (even if you think you sound like a strangled cat) Speaking of cats, there is this amazing new anime series by Sanrio on Netflix called ‘Aggretsuko’ and it’s the funniest show ever. Laughter is a great cure for a broken heart too so I recommend watching comedy shows. So anyway, Aggretsuko is a story about Retsuko (an animal which looks like a cat) and her everyday struggles. She releases her anger and frustrations by bursting into heavy metal songs. If you have some free time, I recommend that you watch at least one episode so that you can see the emotional benefits of singing (or in Aggretsuko’s case screaming) your heart out.
Most importantly, when you listen to music, I recommend you listen to the classic songs that can lift you up. For me personally, listening to songs like ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’, ‘Only Hope’, or ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ lifts me up. Sing love songs for yourself. Dedicate those inspirational songs for you and realise that you deserve all the love in the world.
Here are some of the platforms I recommend for creating your own playlist:
Write yourself a love note
You don’t have to be a great writer to start writing. I believe that anyone can write and should write. When we find ourselves unable to talk to anyone about our issues or address those issues ourselves, sometimes it’s best to write our thoughts down. When we are in relationships, we are thoughtful enough to send them love notes and thank them for the things they do for us… But how about us? How many times have we thought about thanking ourselves for our own courage and strength?
Write yourself a love note and write down the positive things about yourself that you love. If you think that there’s nothing you love about yourself or your life, take a moment and think deeply. Look around you and look inside your heart…I’m sure that somewhere inside there, you will find things to be grateful for. Discover the things you LOVE about YOU.
Many of us forget to thank ourselves…
I recommend keeping a gratitude journal where you can write down the things you are most grateful for every single day. Be grateful for the little things and the small things. Write yourself a love note and read this back to yourself. Whenever I feel down, I write myself a short note on a post it note which says ‘You are blessed and you are loved.’ and knowing this, I feel better and more loving towards myself and towards others. The more you read positive and loving things about yourself, the more you will realise your worth and the quicker you will learn to love yourself again.
Inspiration Happiness Journal by Kikki.K for £21 (selfridges.com)
Most importantly, don’t forget to pray. No matter what your religion is and what you believe in…pray. I believe that all of our prayers are answered. Don’t forget to thank God for the blessings you have everyday and witness how your outlook on life changes.
Go the distance and travel on your own
There is nothing wrong with exploring on your own. I know that there are some of you out there who feel anxious about going somewhere without any companions and I understand this because I’ve felt this anxiety before. You must always research the destinations you intend on visiting and extreme care must be taken when you’re travelling but honestly, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to travel. Spontaneous trips are great too. I know of some people who book their tickets on the spot and book trips using lastminute.com. If your schedule will allow it, visit other towns and cities you’ve never been to before.
See, when I travel to new places, I’m forced to focus on my attention on the ‘present moment’ where there is no room to worry about the future or the past. This creates an opportunity for me to challenge myself to figure things out on my own. Travelling to places where you don’t speak the native language is a great way to learn new things too. Meeting new people and learning new languages are the most exciting things about travelling for me and maybe they are things you might enjoy too. They say that it’s quite common to feel so refreshed when we’re on vacation because we go to places where people don’t know us. It’s like living a new life for a few weeks or months. When a place is so culturally different to yours, you appreciate the new things you see and enjoy.
Travelling not only takes you to a place which (hopefully) won’t remind you of your broken heart but it’s a great place to heal. They say that time heals but I also believe that distance and change are great healers too. Go for it and travel…you never know what you may find and I hope that in your wonderful journey, you find yourself too.
Sites I’ve used to book my trips are:
Eat well and treat yourself
Comfort eating is bad for you but there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to a muffin or two when you’re heart broken. When I’m upset, I don’t deprive myself of the great tasting treats I love. Go to your favorite bakery and order some delicious desserts or maybe get yourself your favourite take out meal and watch your all time favourite classic movies. Too much of something is never good though so bear in mind that eating too much junk food or (medically) forbidden foods is not a good thing to do. The tips in this post must be tailored to your personal lifestyle. Learn how to cook and pick up new recipes from great chefs. Challenge yourself to do a healthy meal prep for th next few weeks and keep at it. Treat yourself to a yummy cake or a take out on weekends. Most importantly, after all the treats, eat well. Healthy foods will instantly lift your mood. Although I recommend that you have a treat now and then, too much junk food can make you sluggish and even more moody. Leafy greens, healthy proteins and good carbs are great foods to go for. If you want to make a change and decide that you want to be a vegetarian, do so… anything that works for you, as long as it enables you to lead a healthy lifestyle, do it and witness how well your emotional, mental and physical well-being improve.
Exercise is another mood lifter. Taking the time to stretch and do yoga in the mornings or going to the gym to lift light or heavy weights are great ways to keep active. Some people end up letting themselves go when they’re in relationships so if you’re one of those people who took themselves and their body for granted while in a relationship, then this is your new start my friend. Get up, get moving…keep moving and keep active.
Yoga is my preferred form of exercise. In the mornings, after hours of being still, I love stretching and it’s a great way to wake up… I like that it’s a gentle form of exercise too. It’s a combination of light meditation and exercise in the mornings.
Watch your mood and body improve when you start exercising. I’m sure that you will find it hard not to love yourself when you look in the mirror and see a great and healthy body staring back at you.
Pick up a new hobby
Accomplishing something makes us feel so good about ourselves. I know I get a feeling of pride when I know I was able to do something well. When I start something and successfully finish it, there’s no feeling like it. I tell myself ‘If I can do that then I can do anything!’ If you recognise the good things that you can do, you recognise the good in you. Picking up a new hobby (preferably a hard one) is a great way to fall in love with yourself again. If there are things you have always wanted to try, go for it and enroll yourself on that class now! Book yourself some ballet lessons, learn to play the guitar, join a choir or maybe join an amateur football club… Anything that you love, I’m sure there will be a class for it somewhere. If there isn’t a community group for it, create one on Facebook and be a group founder instead! You will never know where your passions take you! If you find the classes and are worried about your skills… don’t fret. You don’t have to be a pro to attend these lessons, go for starter classes or even go for free trials if you’re on a budget or unsure about joining full-time. Picking up new hobbies is a great way to meet new people too. When you meet people with the same interests as you, you feel part of something important and cool (even if you don’t think it is). You can even track your improvements using your journal…maybe even start blogging about it and inspire others along the way.
Get rid of anything that reminds you of your broken heart
Now, this is important… I recommend getting rid of anything that reminds you of your broken heart and past. Move forward and keep doing so until the past is so behind you that you can’t see even a glimpse of it. You can only move forward when you have left it all behind and with that, you must get rid of all the things that are dragging you back. When you’re driving, you only look at the side mirrors and rear view mirrors now and then, you don’t drive by looking behind you or else you will crash. You drive and get to your destination safely by looking and focusing ahead. So… Get rid of old photographs, old clothes, all of the belongings you have that remind you of the pain. Leave them all behind. Anything which reminds you of not loving yourself and makes you think that you’re not good enough, let them go. Old pictures and memorabilia are only possessions which tend to remind us of our failures and things that didn’t work out when relationships fail. If you’re not quite ready to dispose of them all, hire some storage space where you can keep them but make sure you don’t surround yourself with those items. ‘Out of sight, out of mind.’
Many of you have heard of the saying that ‘In order to love another, you must first love yourself.’ and I couldn’t agree more. You can’t give something you don’t have yourself. When I talk about self-love, I’m not talking about a conceited type of love… I’m talking about a compassionate type of self-love we should give ourselves. Be kind to yourself my friends. The things I’ve listed above are only some of the ways that can help you heal from a broken heart. I think of them as gifts that you can give yourself but the greatest gift of all is the love you can give to yourself because no one can ever take this love from you and when you truly love yourself, you can begin to truly love others.
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