No Looking Back

No Looking Back

Eight years ago, I started a new chapter of my my life. While I was clearing out my room, I found a banker’s box under my bed. Inside it was a framed photograph an old friend of mine gave me 3 years prior as a gift for my birthday. I had no use for the frame but wanted to keep the photo so I took it out of it. There was a handwritten note hidden inside.

‘Follow your dreams. Never look back in regret.’

My friend was only in my life for two years and I was surprised by the note; but not because he hid it there for me, knowing I’d open it and find it (I could have just thrown the whole thing away but he guessed right- I opened it years later). I was surprised by the ‘projection’. He was a guy who didn’t follow his dreams and he lived his life full of regrets. I thought, ‘People who give the best advice are really the ones who need it most…’

Regrets… we all have them. People say, ‘Don’t regret a thing…’ and they usually follow it with ‘because things happen for a reason.’

Sometimes, I think about whether this is actually true or just something we all like to say to make sense of whatever it is we regret so much. What if there is no reason to come out of whatever it is we regret?

I should really play ‘I Need To Be In Love’ by The Carpenters because just like Karen, ‘I’m wide awake at 4 AM without a friend in sight, hanging on a hope, but… I’m alright…’

But instead, I’m playing a song I haven’t heard in years. It’s a song I recorded which best fits this post and I’ll be publishing this song on my Youtube channel at midday today.

We’re not looking back…’

We actually worked on around 15 songs in the studio but this one track was the main focus of the whole project. Incredible musicians and back up vocalists came to play in these tracks and together, we tried to find the right vibe for around two years.
Whatever the weather… even when there was deep snow on the ground, we worked and this was the main focus of my life (or maybe I should say, the team forced me to make this the focus of my life).

I still remember my friend who hid that note in the frame calling me while I was working in the studio. Looking outside the frosty window, I knew that the end of our relationship was in sight. Things weren’t the same and I could feel that the best thing to do was to part ways.
Although it was hard to keep working on my music, I did it and recording this song served as a form of cathartic release at the time.

Finally, we finished recording all the songs when I sang the final vocals to the album in Switzerland for around 3 days. I flew out to use a ‘special’ microphone – so special that they refused to fly it out to England. It turned out to be the only thing we were missing. We all found ourselves thinking, ‘Wish we used this microphone months ago… we need to scrap all the other vocals we recorded…’ (2 years worth of vocals scrapped for vocals recorded in less than a week)

That was another regret…

Then another huge regret I had after was- not accepting a ‘real’ job opportunity in London because I was guilt tripped into thinking if I did, I wasn’t committed enough to this music project which could have changed my life.

Then, my life did change when an email came which changed the trajectory of the whole thing altogether. Then after a few months of refocusing, I found myself on the right track again.

There will always be something we will regret doing or not doing. We will always look back in regret now and then… whether we like it or not and even if we promise not to…

I regret some things in my life. Do I look back a lot? Not too much… but sometimes, when I do look back, I know deep down that I was making decisions with the best of my ability at that time in my life
I may regret some things but there are definitely things I don’t regret at all because every single step I’ve taken has led me to where I am today and I always say, I made and still continue to make decisions while following my heart.

I don’t regret…

Every single door I knocked on where some have opened and some have remained shut…

Each and every minute I wasted doing nothing because I spent them feeling happy

Moments I confessed my true feelings…

Time I spent stuck when I should have moved on

Moments I said yes when I should have said no

and moments I said no when I should have said yes

Each kiss

Each hug

Each and every tear drop that ever fell from my eyes…

Every single hello and goodbye…

Every single thing I did and sacrificed in the name of Love

It seems that things really happen for a reason…

It seems that I followed my friend’s advice after all…

So I guess, we’ll try to follow our dreams without looking back in regret…


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