What Being Engaged To Be Married Really Means To Us

What Being Engaged To Be Married Really Means To Us

Exactly a year ago today, I stood in front of the Eiffel tower with the love of my life when he asked me to marry him. It was definitely a romantic day to remember and I will never forget the funny way our engagement moment unfolded. Apart from standing in front of my soulmate, we will always remember the incredible view that was in front of us- the beautiful Parisian sunrise where the heavens looked like a beautiful shade of pink. For the first time, we finally understood the true meaning of the song ‘La Vie En Rose’.

In fact, before we even flew to France and all throughout our trip, the song was stuck in my head in a loop. I kept humming the tune in my head and sometimes even out loud that some Parisians must have thought it was cheesy. The moment I said yes, we both actually hummed the tune together and we just couldn’t help it. I downloaded Daniela Andrade’s version of the song and with her silky voice and beautiful rendition, I couldn’t help but make this the theme tune of our engagement and our first trip to Paris together.

When we flew to Paris, I knew that at some point in our trip, he was going to ask me to marry him because we talked about it beforehand. I wasn’t into the whole surprise thing (although I still ended being surprised anyway) and I wanted to have a bespoke ring made just for us by a designer of our choice. Some may say that it’s the non-traditional way of doing things but I actually think that my fiance still managed to make it as traditional as he could possibly make it. Even though I asked him not to do it by the Eiffel tower and make it private somewhere quiet, he proposed outside the most popular tower which is the symbol of love- I don’t think we can get any more traditional than that?

But after all the promises and the tears and smiles of joy, my fiance and I went back to the time when we both discussed what being engaged and married really means to the both of us. This was a great time for reflection on everything we have been through together. It was also a calming time for us to plan ahead and to enjoy every single second and minute of the days we spend together.

For us, being engaged is all about spending forever together, through the ups and downs. A year on after our engagement, we still haven’t planned anything for our wedding and to some, that may be shocking. We have been so busy this year and we also know that we will be even more busy in 2019. Life gets in the way, no matter how rosy and pink it is and so planning a wedding isn’t easy for us, or anyone nowadays especially with how expensive things cost. We also don’t want our parents to pay for our wedding so we decided to really think about what we both want in terms of how we want our ceremony and who we want to invite. I know of many people who got into so much debt for their wedding. I also know of many people who didn’t enjoy the day they spent so much money for because they were too worried about what other people were doing or feeling on their most special day. Some people had big weddings and ended up getting divorced a few years later. It really goes to show that it’s not about the wedding day itself but the hearts and minds of the two people choosing to spend their lifetime together.

Some of the women I know throw themselves entirely on planning their extravagant weddings but my fiance and I understand the importance of spending on things which truly matter-our future together. We have decided to be smart and use our money to buy our very own home instead and to use some of the remaining for worthwhile investments. I used to be fussy and I also wanted all the beautiful wedding things that money can buy. Years later, I have realised that marriage is more than just the flowers, the fancy clothes, venues and food. Now, when people ask me about the dress I want to wear…all I could think of is something plain and white. When they ask me what I plan on going for, I always say something plain and white. That’s our mind set right now. We want something plain…we want something simple.

We are still thinking about different options we could take and at this moment in time, we’re thinking of having a civil wedding here in the UK then travelling to the Far East to carry on with the celebrations with our family and friends. Here’s the thing though, a couple of months ago, we were also thinking of eloping instead and spending our time with just the two of us together. At this point, we are really unsure as to what to do but one thing is for sure, we are going to get married no matter what.

We thought about eloping; not to alienate everyone else around us but because we truly believe that it really is just all about me and him. I’m not really into making vows in front of people. When we imagine ourselves getting married, we imagine making those vows for each other alone. All the most intimate thoughts and feelings we have for each other are things we only want to say to one another- in private.

Of course, we need witnesses and so we must have some people there but this is another thing we’re thinking about…we’re moving more towards having a very private and intimate wedding setting and the people who love us will I’m sure understand and support us whatever we choose to decide.

For us, being engaged to be married is like being married itself. Marriage is a formality that will legally bind the two of us together but before we even got engaged, we already felt like we were married; this is because before we went into this, we were already complete as individuals and knew the reasons why we chose to be together. I believe that for two people to come together, they both must be whole and complete as individuals. You must be complete in order to bind yourself with another. Although it’s romantic to think that two people can complete each other through being in a relationship, engaged or married, I strongly believe in the need for a person to be whole, in this way, you understand yourself and know who you are before you go into any life long commitment.

To some people, engagements are needed to validate their relationships to themselves and other people and some are all about the excitement of planning and going through the celebrations. To some people and for my fiance and I, it’s all about remaining in the present and being committed to each other through thick and thin and knowing that we have each other no matter what happens in the future…

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